Saturday, 14 March 2015

Why I won't be celebrating Mothers Day

From the moment I saw the positive line on the test stick, my journey to being a mother began. It has been one of the biggest, scariest, happiest and fulfilling adventures of my life. When my son was placed into my arms I was given something that I'd never felt before, purpose and clarity. For as happy as I was the experience only made crystal clear to me how broken my own mother was. Since then I've spent years on and off without her in my life. When a close friend bought me this book:
I realised it was no longer okay to accept her behaviour towards not just me but my husband and my children. It was a hard decision but I don't regret it all, in fact things have been so much better and all that has happened is I've begun to process the damage that she inflicted on me from an early age. It's not all her fault and for that I blame her own mother but there is only so much a person can take. The book upset me so much in places that it actually took me months to read, I hadn't realised how much things I did were a result of her treatment towards me so I had to keep putting the book away and coming back to it. It's not easy to say nor is it easy living without a mother but it's easier than living with the negative impact of her on my life.

For such a long time I had to go through with Mother's Day because I was expected to, even told what to buy. Several years ago I decided that I didn't want my own children to feel that same sense of obligation and stopped celebrating the day. Everyday my children tell me they love me, everyday I get to call myself "Mum" to these wonderful people I've helped create and nurture and everyday I'm thankful for it. I need no special gifts, cards or flowers in order to feel like a good mother because I'm loved and I feel it.

I'm lucky not only to have a wonderful husband and four lovely children but lucky to have some amazing friends who encourage and inspire me to be the best mother I can be. To all of them I am thankful.

To all of you who do celebrate: I wish you a Happy Mothers Day.

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