Tuesday, 21 June 2011
Funny name for a title I know! Still bear with me .... On Saturday my firstborn turned 13 years old. All week I felt emotional thinking about it and couldn't help thinking back to when he was born, the emotions I felt being pregnant and circumstances that were happening at the time. When I met my husband, I was 16 and I just *knew* that he was *the one*. I left home at 16, I didn't have a good relationship with my mum, although its improved since, and my dad had a new family. I have always been very mature for my age and my mum used to tell me that I'd wanted to be a mummy since I was about two years old. Bailey was born on the 18th of June 1998 when I was 17 years nad 9 months old. I was a teen mum. I cringe about those words because I don't feel that they represent me at all. When you say "teen mum" people have you all summed up, well don't because I'm not! He was the only one of my children to be born in the hospital and probably the reason the other three weren born at home. After only 6 hours of labour, my beauitful perfect son was born weighing 6 lbs and 15 ozs. I can still recall the feeling of seeing his face for the first time and the surge of love that came with it. Sadly, the forced removal of my placenta in theatre afterwards meant I missed the first hour of his life, most of which he spent with his eyes wide open staring at everyone. The staff were rubbish and left me on my bed after having an epidural, by myself, not being able to move and a newborn son who was hungry. My first experiences of breastfeeding were not exactly what they should have been. Despite the very disappointing support for breastfeeding I stuck with it and fed him for nearly 10 months. Which is not a long time in comparison to other breastfeeders but I am proud of it. I feel as though I have been writing this blog post in my head for over a week now and the title is from a Lady Gaga song, the song strikes me every time I hear it. I wasn't particluary a bad kid actually, I never smoked, did drugs, never got into trouble with the police but still was meant to feel that by having a baby so young I had done something wrong, that I was a "Bad Kid" I feel like I have had a lot to prove as a young parent, not just to others but also to myself and the more I thought about it this last week the more I've realised how proud I am of my little family. My husband is my best friend and I have a marriage that I am truly proud of, my children have the stability that I didn't have as a child and are such happy little people. I'm not sure if I feel better for finally having gotten this written down or not yet? I don't regret the things that have happened because I believe that they have happened for a reason and they have shaped the person that I am today.